My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
