There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
