I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
