i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
