I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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