Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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