And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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