I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
