i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
