It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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