wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
