I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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