Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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