...so i touched it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
