ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize