Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
