And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
