wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
