I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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