Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
