Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
