Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
