Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
