oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
