awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
