Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
