It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
