if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
