Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
