Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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