I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
