i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
