i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
