Sry I called you an 8
Non-Jews are for practice
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
