I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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