I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Couch. On fire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize