Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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