having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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