your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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