lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
