the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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