you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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