Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
