I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
