My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
