we made out on top of his cat.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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