i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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