I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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