I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
