I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
