bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
