Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
