imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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