What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
