Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
