She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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