I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
