god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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