Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
