Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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