im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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