margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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