the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize