They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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