I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
