She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
