I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
