i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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