You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
