In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
