my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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