if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
