dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
