The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
