After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
