Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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