I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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