I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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