I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize