I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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