the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize