Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
