we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
