Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
