R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
