This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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