sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
