And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
