I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
