Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
