Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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