its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
