A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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