didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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