"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
