Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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