the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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