Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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