where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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