okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
